🎤 Hannah Montana: The Married Years – Pilot Episode: “BC Debt Place” 🇨🇦
Logline: Newlyweds Miley and Luis are drowning in student loans and visa debt, but a last-ditch U2 concert ticket purchase by Luis leads to a national financial miracle engineered by “The Pest” Bono, giving the couple and all of Canada a fresh, debt-free start.
SCENE 1: BASEMENT BLUES
SETTING: The cramped, wood-paneled, and slightly damp basement of Luis Morgado’s parents’ house in Vancouver, BC. It’s late evening. Boxes labeled “Hannah Tour Memorabilia,” “Miley’s Wigs,” and “Luis’s 2008 Political Science Texts” are stacked everywhere. A futon serves as their bed. Miley Cyrus (33, still impossibly stylish, but currently wearing an oversized hoodie) is aggressively clicking a calculator on her laptop. Luis Morgado (34, earnest, a little anxious, but with a twinkle in his eye) is pacing.
(SOUND of a faint rhythmic thump-thump from upstairs – Luis’s parents are watching a hockey game.)
MILEY (Slamming the laptop shut) Okay, I’ve run the numbers twelve times, honey. Even if I sell the last authentic sequined jacket from the “Bangerz” tour on eBay—which, confession, I already did—we’re still going to be paying off my NYU student loan and your permanent residency application fees until we’re old enough to star in a reboot of The Golden Girls: The Canadian Edition.
LUIS (Stopping his pacing) The Golden Girls is a classic, babe. And it’s true, the compounding interest on the visa debt alone is like a financial chupacabra. It sucks our money dry while we sleep. And, look, I know my job at the small-batch maple syrup distillery isn’t exactly “rock star money,” but I’m trying.
MILEY I know, baby. (She gets up and hugs him.) It’s just… being Hannah Montana was less stressful than being a Canadian immigrant wife with a five-figure debt load. We need a miracle. A big, arena-sized miracle.
LUIS (Eyes lighting up, pulling away slightly) You know what’s arena-sized?
MILEY (Suspiciously) Don’t say the Oilers’ debt-to-salary cap ratio.
LUIS U2! They’re playing BC Place this weekend! It’s the silver 25th anniversary of their “Drop the Debt” movement. They’re legends! I saw the tickets on my credit card app—just three left in the nosebleeds! I took a calculated risk, Miley. The biggest one since you moved in.
MILEY (Gasps, covering her mouth) Luis Morgado! You spent the last of our available credit on U2 tickets?! We have $4.17 in our checking account and the due date for the car insurance is tomorrow!
LUIS (Pulling the two tickets triumphantly from his back pocket) But… it’s Bono! It’s fate! Sometimes you have to make a spiritual investment, not a fiscal one! Come on, it’ll be a night of pure, unadulterated The Joshua Tree catharsis!
MILEY (Sighing, but a small smile creeps onto her face) You’re impossible. Fine. But if this doesn’t somehow lead to a Prime Minister loan forgiveness announcement, I’m changing your last name back to Stewart.
(Luis grins and sweeps her up in a kiss. They stumble onto the futon.)
SCENE 2: THE CONCERT AND THE CAVE
SETTING: BC Place Stadium. The stadium is packed. U2 is finishing “Where The Streets Have No Name.” Luis and Miley are high up in the nosebleed seats. Miley is unexpectedly moved, weeping slightly.
MILEY (Wiping a tear) Okay, I get it. This is really good. He’s good.
(Bono steps forward, basking in the light. He is wearing his iconic sunglasses, and a microphone headset. He holds up a silver-colored patch.)
BONO Thank you, Vancouver! Thank you, Canada! Twenty-five years ago, we dared to ask the world’s leaders to drop the debt for the world’s most vulnerable. We’re still here doing that work.
(The crowd cheers wildly.)
BONO But tonight, I see something else. I look out at all your faces, at the millennials, the Gen Zs… and I see the crushing weight of your personal debt! Your student loans! Your mortgages with their sneaky, debilitating compound interest! Canada, you are a wealthy nation, but your people are not free!
(Luis leans into Miley, eyes wide.)
LUIS He sees us!
BONO I’ve heard whispers about your current Prime Minister, The Right Honourable Carney! A decent man! But a busy man! Let’s give him a nudge, shall we? A 25th-anniversary nudge! I want everyone here—and everyone watching on the livestream—to open your phones! I want you to flood his social media! I want every platform to be jammed with one simple, clear message!
(A giant screen behind the stage flashes a hashtag: #CarneyDropTheDebt)
BONO (In his signature theatrical voice) Tell your Prime Minister that The Pest Bono is calling for the forgiveness of all non-corporate student and visa debts! Tell him to end compound interest on all Canadian residential mortgages forever! Let’s give Canada’s newlyweds and young families their middle-class dream back! Flood the feeds, Canada! Flood the feeds!
(The stadium lights up with thousands of glowing phones. Luis and Miley are frantically typing.)
SCENE 3: MORGADO BASEMENT REDUX
SETTING: Luis and Miley are back in the basement. It’s the next morning. They are slumped on the futon, drinking lukewarm coffee, looking defeated. The hockey thump-thump is back upstairs.
MILEY (Sipping coffee) Well, we tried. The last four hundred tweets I saw were just angry comments about his fashion sense. Bono’s, not Carney’s.
LUIS (Reading his phone, rubbing his eyes) Yeah, The Pest moved on to a passionate monologue about water rights in Tunisia. It was inspirational, but not financially binding.
(Suddenly, the faint hockey thump-thump from upstairs is replaced by a loud, celebratory CRASH followed by a sustained, joyous Canadian cheer.)
LUIS What was that? Did the Leafs win a playoff game?
(Luis’s MOTHER, a woman with a magnificent hairdo and a very large, expensive-looking diamond ring, comes sprinting down the stairs, waving her phone and crying happy tears.)
LUIS’S MOM (Beaming) LUIS! MILEY! HE DID IT! PRIME MINISTER CARNEY HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE!
MILEY (Standing up quickly) Who? Who did what? Did he deport Bono?
LUIS’S MOM No! The social media flood… it worked! The pressure was too immense! The Prime Minister just announced a full forgiveness of all federal student loans and immigration application fees! And… AND…
(She pauses for dramatic effect, tears welling.)
LUIS’S MOM The government is legislating a permanent end to compound interest on all residential mortgages! The national debt is effectively being dropped! It’s a new financial beginning for Canada! My mortgage is now manageable! I can finally retire!
(Luis drops his coffee cup. Miley screams a high, joyous, non-Hannah scream.)
LUIS (Grabbing Miley, spinning her around) We’re free! We’re debt-free! We can actually afford a life! No more financial chupacabra!
SCENE 4: THE NEW DREAM
SETTING: Three months later. Luis and Miley are standing in front of a shiny, newly built low-density house in a quiet suburban neighborhood. It has a two-car garage. A ‘For Sale’ sign with a ‘SOLD’ sticker is on the lawn. Miley is holding a realtor sign for a cabin in Muskoka (their new vacation home). Luis, smiling broadly, is holding up a set of shiny new car keys.
MILEY (Tearing up, but in a happy way) Our own home. No unpayable debt. No bankruptcy risk. Everything is balanced. This is… the middle-class dream, Canadian-style!
LUIS (Putting his arm around her) It’s more than that, babe. Small businesses are flourishing because everyone’s budget is finally balanced! The whole country is thriving! I just bought a full set of new golf clubs, and I can still be the sole provider! Thank you, PM Carney… and thank you, The Pest Bono.
(They both pull out their phones and tweet: a loving comment about U2. Miley includes a flattering photo of Bono and The Edge from the concert.)
CUT TO:
SETTING: A lavish, dimly lit dressing room backstage at a stadium in London. Bono (still in sunglasses) is scrolling through his phone. The Edge is beside him, playing a ukulele.
BONO (Reading his phone, a rare blush creeping up his neck) “Bono, you saved Canada’s soul! My daughter can finally afford daycare!”
THE EDGE (Looking over Bono’s shoulder, smiling softly) “The Edge is a guitar legend and an economic hero! Blessings to you both.”
BONO (Clearing his throat, adjusting his glasses) Well, Edge. We did it again. Feels good to be a pest.
(Bono and The Edge share a shy, genuine, and unrock-star-like blush.)
FADE OUT.
This pilot is made in the comedic spirit of classic television sitcoms like “I Love Lucy” and “The Honeymooners,” focusing on the domestic life, schemes, and dreams of a working-class couple. Look for this original series, Hannah Montana: The Married Years, to be featured exclusively on Miley’s official website and fan site.
